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By now I've gotten so acquainted anxiety with my childhood pain that I've lost my fear of it. I know where it comes from; I know what feelings I wasn't able to express as a child; and I know how this repression has interfered with my life. And each anxiety time I've visited the well, I've released more of the pain and the reservoir anxiety has gotten smaller and smaller. Now, instead of feeling as if I'm plunging into a bottomless well, I feel as if I'm stepping into a puddle on the sidewalk. These deliberate excursions into the past have transformed my life. Instead of relying on the false sense of confidence imparted to me by my mother, I have a secure, grounded feeling of self-confidence based on reality. My natural emotions are alive and well, helping to protect me from injury and make healthier choices. People who meet me often come to the mistaken conclusion that I must have come from a loving, nurturing family.

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I was crying not only about my mother's death but about the neglect I had experienced as a child. I was crying about having had no one to come home to dan savage after school and dan savage about waking dan savage up to an empty house. I was crying about having to lie about my mother's neglect. And I was crying about having never really gotten to know my father. I was learning that, on some level, all pain is interconnected, and when you tap in to a portion of it, the rest is right there, waiting to be released. I was afraid I'd cry for days without stopping. By the time my husband came home that evening, however, I had finally cried myself dry. There was an end to the tears. Since then, I have visited this well of sorrow many times.

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